I’ve wanted to be invisible but so that I can still cause imperceptible fluctuations in the wind. If there was a way to hide behind curtains, to cause them to billow and flow with the windows closed, to make someone turn their head after their spine tingles, I’d want to do just that.
I’m not running but I’m concealing myself from causality. I want to cause outcomes without the preceding events. I want to proceed without being noticed. And yet I want my presence to be questioned. If I walk by, I wish someone would say “what was that?” as if I’m a ghost. I’ve wanted to be invisible for so long that I’ve become frustrated at my visibility. Because in the visibility, it is easier to be unnoticed. By being seen. I don’t want to blend in with the interactions of the environment, but rather, I want to pass over the environment as a shade, leaving a cold trail behind me without touching a thing.
I want to hide in plain sight where everyone is looking, but rather than not notice me at all, I want them to look for me, to search for me, to measure my temperature spikes and dips, to record my ghostly actions, to configure some explanation or, alternatively, be left completely bemused.
I’ve wanted to be invisible, because then I know others will be more afraid than I. I don’t want to have to look at myself for an answer so I wish to disappear into a different space in which there is nothing left to look at. If someone stares straight at me, I want them to see nothing, but to feel a presence which they cannot describe. I wish they would feel this sensation, and simply say, “This is unlike anything I’ve felt before.”